PiM – Start By Asking Questions

(Excerpts from the forthcoming book – A Happy Marriage)

One of the areas that makes a marriage unstable is the “unknown.”

In the Johari Window (by Drs Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham), there is a “Self Discovery” Pane. The unknown self is the mysterious state of an individual neither known to him, nor their spouse. Often the feelings, thoughts or ideas go so deep down into the individual that it becomes difficult for the individual, as well for their spouse, to understand it. 

The goal is to make the “unknown” the smallest pane in the Johari Window. This will happen as you build trust in each other and become more willing to accept the traits in blind spots and share more with your spouse from your façade pane. This will lead to the discovery of the unknown areas in your window.

The “Unknown Pane” is the mystery square that will take the longest to discover. However, there is a way to unlock the deep secrets hidden in it. The method is to back into it by asking three questions:

  1. What do you value about our relationship?
  2. What do you think my top three (3) qualities are?
  3. What would you say I’m passionate about?