In over 30 years of counseling couples, I have observed that too few people have been taught how to love – how to give love and how to accept being loved in return. There is an almost universal erroneous assumption that those who have experienced love automatically know how to love.

That is no truer than the assumption that those who have experienced music automatically know how to compose or perform it. Feeling the rhythm of music and being moved to dance by its syncopations does not result in the ability to play  or contribute to its enjoyment by others.

The only way to become a skilled musician is consistent practice. One does not become a skilled musician overnight. I have known many musicians and I have observed that even the most competent and naturally talented never cease practicing.

So how does one practice love?  In practicing love, the husband and wife intentionally behave in ways that will cause the other person to feel loved. Again, like a skilled musician, this will not happen overnight. Loving each other takes practice, practice, and practice!

John L. Godbolt, Ph.D.